Dilemmas and Decisions: Breastfeeding, the Pump and Formula

When I was pregnant with Juliana, I had these dreams of the two of us rocking peacefully with her happily nursing. Instead those attempts were meant with screaming baby and crying mommy. So I would pump milk for her and bottle feed, this included waking up during the night to feed her a bottle and then pump milk for later…in the middle of the night. After a month we started supplementing with formula and by 3 months I quit pumping and she was on formula for the rest of her first year. I felt incredibly guilty about the whole experience; I had failed at one of the first things a Mommy can do for her child. Was it because I didn’t nurse her in the first hours of her life (after being awake for 40 hours and undergoing major surgery) and she had more than one bottle of formula during those days in the hospital? Whatever the reason it didn’t work out for us, and she has always been incredibly healthy – one ear infection in nearly 4 years.

When I found out I was pregnant last year, I thought a lot about this experience with Juliana and decided that this time could be different. I would make a second attempt to breastfeed but if it didn’t work out I wasn’t going to pump and bottle-feed this time, instead we would go straight to formula and not feel guilty.

Then the announcement – twins- oh my….I couldn’t successfully nurse one baby, there is no way I could possibly deal with two. Throughout the remainder of my pregnancy, people would ask if I was going to breastfeed (it’s amazing to me that something so personal becomes a matter-a-fact topic during pregnancy and the early baby months), and my response was always I will try. The nurses preparing my hospital charts at my 3rd trimester appointments – I am going to try; the nurses checking me in for surgery – I am going to try…the answer was never yes.

In the recovery room, the post-op nurse asked if I wanted to try breastfeeding them, ok let’s give it a try. They both nursed for a few minutes. However their blood sugar was low so they had formula as well in the recovery room and later that night. I had already decided that they would have formula in the nursery at night, this second time around I resisted the night rooming in. It’s really an interesting concept – major surgery, still hooked up to all sorts of tubes, affects of spinal still wearing off, taking pain medication, completely exhausted and can’t get out of bed…yeah, leave a defenseless tiny human with me for the night. This time around I took full advantage of the nursery at night so I could start to recover from the long pregnancy and surgery.

That first night they both had formula and by morning their blood sugar had stabilized and we went back to the breast. All was well the first full day, second night and the next day. That third night, just as I was falling asleep at ~11:00, the night nurse came in and announced that Wyatt had already lost more than 10% of his weight (most babies lose 6-10% of their weight following birth) and they were going to bring him to me throughout the night to nurse and then give him a bottle – that nurse made me feel like a bad mom who had sent her babies away for the night and wasn’t doing everything possible to keep them healthy.

And then we went home the next day. Ruslan continued to nurse well and Wyatt didn’t eat quite as energetically. They were up constantly at night during those first few weeks. Scott would give each of them a bottle during the first part of the night and then I would sleep in their room the rest of the night, feeding them every few hours. We went for weight checks every few days; we were told to give Wyatt more formula since he wasn’t gaining fast enough. I was exhausted. Ruslan gained his weight back quickly and was excused from weight checks, and as we approached one-month Wyatt passed as well.

Ruslan developed reflux and formula made it worse, so we quit the one nightly bottle at about one-month and he has been exclusively on breast milk since. That means I have had to get up with him each night – no letting Scott get up with Ruslan, although he still gave Wyatt a bottle. As the reflux was getting worse I started searching for answers – and eventually I cut dairy out of my diet. Within a week, the massive amounts of spit-up were reduced to a dribble. I’m not a milk drinker, but I sure do miss cheese and ice cream and an occasional bowl of cereal.

At 6-weeks Wyatt was still having several bottles a day and breastfeeding the remainder of the time. I was so tired and he ate so slowly while Ruslan was done in 10 minutes. I made the decision to switch Wyatt to formula. I didn’t feel guilty this time, I knew that he would be healthy and I could do better for both babies by making this change. I’m so glad that I was firm in my decision because most people could not understand why I would do this, as if I was mistreating Wyatt when instead I was making sure that he was getting enough food. At his 2-mo check-up his weight had improved and I felt even better about my decision. Everyone was happy to get to feed Wyatt and it gave me a break in the evenings.

Since the boys have been in daycare, Ruslan is now getting pumped breast milk in a bottle during the day and he doesn’t care…that little one is just happy to eat. And now the next decision, when to stop? I am going away for a week at the beginning of December so we have that as an end date – I think I feel better having a target date (and knowing when I can eat cheese again). So by mid-November I plan to stop breastfeeding Ruslan and he will be on formula for the last 5 months of his first year. Hopefully by that point the reflux will be gone so the formula won’t bother him. So this begins the final stretch of this part of motherhood.

Breast milk or formula, both are healthy options for babies and no one should make mothers feel guilty for making the decision that is right for them and their babies. I am happy that I was able to provide breast milk for all 3 of my babies for their first 6 weeks and that Ruslan has become the happy little nursing baby that I thought I would have all along. Do I feel guilty that I am stopping during the first year, maybe a little…but stopping before the teeth arrive sounds like another good reason…and I know that Ruslan will continue to thrive.

Wyatt the Strong

The boys can now pick up toys and hold them. Wyatt is fond of these little rattles and it looks like he is lifting weights. After a busy play session he was so tired, he fell asleep right where he was.

Four Months Old

4 months old with the puppies.

4 Months

4 months old - hard to believe that they are that old, yet difficult to remember what it was like before they arrived (although I think that I had a little bit more spare time, more sleep, and a lot less laundry). This first picture - they are both watching Juliana run toward them...there is a bit of fear in Ruslan's eyes as he knows she is about to bounce down on the ground just a little too close to them.
Last night was their 4-month check-up.
Ruslan - Weight: 14 lbs 12 oz - 50th% (2-mo was 12-6 70th%)
Height: 24-1/4" - 25th% (2-mo was 22-1/2 45%)

Wyatt - Weight: 13 lbs 12 oz - 25th% (2-mo was 10-14 25%)
Height: 25-1/4 - 65th% (2-mo was 22-3/4 50%)

At 4 months Juliana was the same height as Wyatt, but weighed a full pound less.

The boys are starting to interact more with each other - they are getting interested in each other - Ruslan will spot Wyatt and just smile at him in the hopes Wyatt will look his way. They are also able to pick-up toys and get them close to their mouth - the best place for anything at this age. And best of all they can both get a hand, some fingers or sometimes even a thumb in their mouth which makes them quite happy.

Ruslan

Ruslan has figured out how to get his hand in his mouth whenever he wants, so he spends a good bit of the day doing just that. In the last picture, the one where he is looking away from me...watching tv. He is fascinated with the tv whenever it is on - in this case he was watching football with great intent.

Matching

Are they twins? I can't walk through a store without several people asking that question. And then they think they can get very close to them and offer their comparison of the two. When I say that they are twins, while moving the stroller or cart out of their reach, I often get this response - "I thought so, but I wasn't sure since they weren't dressed the same". Really? The fact that they are both babies in matching baby carriers out with one women - that wasn't a clue. And people that are friends of the family and of course know that they are twins sometimes express their disappointment when they see the boys and they are not dressed the same and ask us why not.

Scott feels strongly about them not being dressed the same. I am in the middle on this issue, but primarily I dress them alike, but not the same. The same outfit in different color, the same cargo shorts with a different shirt, etc. And once Ruslan wears the brown plaid and Wyatt wears the blue - I always dress them in that combination, at that point the brown belongs to Ruslan even though Wyatt could just as easily wear it.

If someone has bought the same outfit for them, then I will dress them the same on that day. And I have bought the same things for them when I found something I loved and there wasn't a coordinating option, or the other option wasn't nearly as cute. When we went to Idlewild last week, it was one of those occasions when the boys were dressed the same. And all day long, I heard - "Look at those twins", not once did anyone ask them if they are twins.

15 Weeks

The boys are doing really well, overall they are very happy contented babies.

Wyatt remains our spirited baby - there is no doubt when he wants to eat. If he wakes up hungry and doesn't have a bottle in his mouth within 2 minutes, when you do try to feed him he keeps screaming because he is mad that it took 3.5 minutes from waking up to food.

Wyatt is also the more active baby. We have to put him at the bottom of his crib at night because he pushes his way up to the top of the crib during the night until his head is pressed sideways against the end of the crib. On more than one occasion he has spun around in his crib and kicked the aquarium music on. He is also very strong, he can push himself up on his arms and hold his head up looking from side to side for several minutes.

Wyatt is also quite the drool monster. If he is laying on his stomach, he gets a couple of fingers in his mouth and leaves a puddle of drool when we pick him up.

Ruslan is getting close to rolling over, because of his reflux he has had significantly less tummy time than Wyatt. But he is just as strong holding his head up, and if we put him in a sitting position he can remain upright for a short time. Both of them are sitting well when propped.

Ruslan is so happy, even when he is fussy, you can coax him into a smile and then a coo and a laugh and he forgets that he was unhappy. He falls asleep easily, even if he is in the bouncy seat with the lights flashing, if he is tired he just closes his eyes and goes to sleep and we can move him to his crib where he will happily sleep.

Last Thursday Ruslan was a little fussy when he was eating in the evening and Friday it was apparent he was getting a cold. He has a stuffed up nose, his eyes are crusty when he wakes up, and he has the saddest little cough, his little giggles sound a bit hoarse as well. But so far he has slept through the coughing at night. Wyatt has a little congestion as well, but not nearly as bad. Hopefully these little summer colds will pass quickly.
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